I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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