you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
