Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
