It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Randomize
