haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
