she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
