I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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