did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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