EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
