....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
