This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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