sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
