I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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