wrigley field is MILF paradise
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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