Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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