HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
