Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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