How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
