This is not my ceiling
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
