how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
