my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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