But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
