Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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