I skipped work to stalk him.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
