Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
