you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
