You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
