these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
