I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
