My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
