Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
