im drinking this country out of the recession.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
