I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
