"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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