I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
