why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
