Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
