I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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