so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
