Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
