Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
