you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
