bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can you bring me the toilet please
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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