just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
