This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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