No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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