Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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