Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
