If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
