Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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