and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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