I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
