I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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