Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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