she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found your dick twin last night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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