ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
