i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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