Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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