Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
