9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
