omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
