after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize