Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
