I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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