I have demons in me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
