I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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