Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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