Cold hands, warm shart.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
