now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
