You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
