Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
