Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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