I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
