brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dicks are not precious.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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