I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
