I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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