Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
