so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
