remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
