I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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