my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
