The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
