THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
