So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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