i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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