More tranny stories later!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
