Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
