can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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