tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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