Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
