About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
