he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
FUCK WHALES
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
