I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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